Months ago, “Yes!” was my answer. An eager, steadfast, resolved yes, put me where I am now… preparing to board a plane out of the country. It was one of the easiest decisions of my life, as if I were created with the foreknowledge of the question, created with the answer already within me. The moment I recognized the inquiry coming,, the answer spilled from my mouth before I could even fully be questioned: “There’s a team going to Africa next summer. Would you be inter-” “Yes! YES! Consider me already there.” Such an easy decision, I know, only comes from God. He prepares the way. He cleared a path, took my hand, and led me right into it.
That knowledge, knowing it was God’s direct will for me to go to Africa, was most helpful when it came time for worry and anxiety. Because certainly, I’ve had many opportunities for both to consume me. The minute I would begin to distress, His quiet reminding would follow, “You’re going to Africa, I’ve already written it. Nothing that happens now, can un-write what I penned in you at creation.” It didn’t matter if my support letters weren’t worded flawlessly, it didn’t matter that I broke my foot. God defined Himself faithful through both. So I can say, preparing for this trip has been rather worry-free. Sure, I’ve had my moments of anxiety, but they were moments, short-lived.
All of my trip costs were met, but further, the costs of my heart were met. The words my heart was flooded with from the people who fill my every day life…they not only met the cost, but far surpassed my need. Words of encouragement, of eager service, words of their support and hope, words of their joy to invest in me, words of their LOVE. Heck, I’ve had more of this love stuff thrown at me than I know what to do with!
…so it’s off to Kenya I go, to give away this love that I myself have been given, for I cannot seem to contain it. I have been overwhelmed with God’s love reflected through those around me; through their selfless submission to Jesus Christ, through their ever-eager desire to serve, through their relationship and love for a Father most caring. I stand with cupped hands, unable to grasp it’s multitude. It fell to my shirt, and even lifting the bottom hem in attempts to catch it, cradle it, still it cannot be held. I’ve been wandering the past week stuttering and congested, incapable of processing the love i’m being shown, to the very point of frustration and tears. And all I have to say? Here I am. Send me. I will go.
“Then I heard the Lord asking, ‘Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?’ I said, ‘Here I am. Send me.’” [Isaiah 6:8 nlt]
I have been sent. And it’s time I go. One girl, carrying the love of many, to many who need love. And my ever-prayer? Selfless transparency. God, help me.